Need help writing wedding vows? Follow these guidelines

Need help writing wedding vows? Follow these guidelines

Do you need soms guide lines in how to write your wedding vows? We are here to help.

After booking a personal ceremony with us, it probably came as a surprise (or shock) when we suggested to you and your partner that you should write your own vows.
The idea alone can be very unnerving, but using your own words could give your ceremony that personal and intimate touch that will make it a day to remember (next to the dancing and comical speeches, of course).

Why are wedding vows so important?

Vows are not just important as the possible pinnacle of your wedding ceremony, but the process of
writing them gives you the chance to reflect on your partner, yourself and your relationship and the
dynamics that bind you together. While going through this process, you’ll discover a deeper meaning
behind the words “I do”. You will also get a better understanding of what marriage means to you
and the possible expectations from both sides.

For those who dare take on this challenge, here are a few tips about knowing what style you want to
follow, how to cope with stage fright and some questions and guidelines to help you through this
daunting, but very special and rewarding process of writing your wedding vows.

Know your style

First things first! With your partner, talk about what type of wedding vows suit your personality best. Would you like to take a more traditional route (maybe with a personal twist to it)? Or would you like to go all out and write your own?


Some couples prefer to write one set of wedding vows together, which they read separately or
simultaneously. Another idea could be to incorporate the ring warming ceremony into your vows.
Usually, I would recommend couples to not reveal everything to their partner in order to keep a few
secrets for that element of surprise! However, there are a few aspects that will create uniformity in
your vows that you both need to discuss and agree upon beforehand. For example, would you like to
follow the same structure in your text? Even though it is completely optional, it could be an aid in
helping you formulate your vows better.


Ideally, your vows should roughly be the same length as your partner’s, and shouldn’t exceed 3
minutes. Also, consider what mood you would like to create, e.g. a bit romantic and funny or serious
and solemn. If you decide to add a touch of humour, keep your audience in mind by avoiding inside
jokes and keeping it “grandparent” friendly!
No matter what you choose, there’re no right or wrong choices. These are just some guidelines to
help you on your journey. Not sure which style suits you best? No worries! Mint & Memories will help you in your decision making.

Read more: Een steengoede speech voor een huwelijk schrijven in 7 tips

wedding vows

Stage fright

If the writing hasn’t scared you off, the idea of speaking in front of an audience might have. Here are
a few tips and tricks to help ease the nerves.

Start early and set a deadline in writing your wedding vows

Ideally, your wedding vows should be finalised at least 1 month before the
wedding. Thereafter, you should only make small adjustments. This gives you plenty of time to
rehearse and memorise your vows. Being prepared will help to soothe the wedding day jitters.

Practice your wedding vows

Stage fright is a natural reaction to stress and the best way to overcome it is to focus on
what you can control. Which is: Practice, practice and (yes, you guessed it) practice some more. The
more you rehearse and memorise, the more you will be able to anticipate what comes next. Hence,
you will have more control over the situation and that will alleviate some of the stress.

Trick your brain

10 minutes before the ceremony starts, find a quiet spot to compose and centre
yourself by doing some (yoga) breathing- and stretching exercises (within the limits of your attire, of
course). By doing these exercises you trick your brain into thinking about something other than the
physical stress response you are experiencing and it can help take the edge off your jitters. For a
confidence boost in general, incorporate these exercises into your rehearsal sessions; that way the
breathing will become second nature to you while you say your vows. By controlling your breath,
your speech tempo will slow down, you will speak more clearly and experience more control over
the situation.

Be prepared

As an aid during your speech, you can make notecards containing just the most
important words to keep you on the right track. This creates the opportunity for you to look your
fiancé in the eyes, instead of reading (or searching) through sentences on a piece of paper and,
therefore, boost your confidence.


Also, prepare for if you forget your words or misplace your notecards by giving a written copy of
your full text and a copy of the notecards to your best man/maid of honour to keep within reach.
Knowing you have a safety net to fall back on will also help ease the nerves.

Last but not least. If you are still not convinced about your hidden stage talents, asking your officiant
from Mint & Memories to do it could be a saving grace!

Are you looking for a wedding ceremony in English? This is how we work.

11 super helpful questions to help write wedding vows
Een steengoede speech voor een huwelijk schrijven in 7 tips